My entire life I have avoided sickness like the plague. I’ve never had a broken bone, I’ve never had stitches, I’ve never had surgery, I’ve never fainted, I’ve never had a f-ing nosebleed. I have a MASSIVE phobia of needles (and snakes). Suffice it to say I’d rather be seasick af, forced to solve quadratic equations by a smelly man who drags his disgusting fingernails down the chalkboard through my calculations, while rocking on a viper infested dinghy than go to the doctor. I really dislike going. And I never do.
Ummmm… SPECTACULAR, SCREECHING, TIRE-SCORCHING U TURN!
Without warning, the perfect health rug was violently ripped out from under my size 8 ½ wider than average Vans.
After consulting with my attorney, I am legally obligated to add:
WARNING: reading the contents of this blog may cause such side effects as nausea, boredom, a sudden urge to throw yourself in front of a bus, animosity, migraine headaches, disgust, gas, indifference, bloating, repulsion, and who cares-itis.