I’m the luckiest person in the world because my army of supportive family and friends is THE BEST medicine!
Online shopping is the second best medicine.
Blasting Tom Petty and Donavon Frankenreiter is the third best medicine.
It’s a love/hate relationship with platelets, red blood cells and white blood cells.
Trojan football is going to f-ing kick ass this season!
Shaving a numb leg is extremely dangerous business because IHNFP. (I Have No F-ing Platelets)
Nurses are super duper awesome.
80% of the bills in my pile are from doctors, labs, hospitals and medical facilities. One recent check I wrote for “my portion, after insurance” was for 69 cents. “Oh, don’t worry, this cotton ball’s on me!”
NSHLAMFAANFP – (Neupogen Shots Hurt Like A Mo Fo And Are Not For Pussies)
I have made 101 trips up and down Pacific Coast Highway for appointments in the past 14 weeks.
A “normal” person has a platelet count between 150,000 – 440,000. I’ve been down to 9,000. Confirms a lot about my “normalcy” or lack thereof.
The skin on the upper side of the forearm (IV) is WAY tougher to put a needle through than the skin on the inner elbow (AFBT- Another F-ing Blood Test).
HAFATS – (Hematomas Are Fugly And They Suck)
Dear Trader Joe’s Carrot Juice, please stop tasting so divine, otherwise I may need to enter rehab when this is all over. Yours truly, Joselyn
When I wake up each night at 3am – BIOTP (Blame It On The Prednisone) – I either play Scramble with Friends (Mary and/or Gianca) or I watch Project Runway.
Platelets look like butterscotch pudding. No taste test arranged yet.
I haven’t worn jewelry or been inside a market, restaurant, shop, etc. in 8 weeks. Being the Girl in the Plastic Bubble is not all that bad.
I miss the Olympics!
After 96 pokes, my needle phobia is starting to subside. Still terrified of snakes, and not planning to hang out with 96 (or 1) of them to cure me of that phobia.
I have NOTHING to complain about, compared to many of my superhero friends who have fought MUCH tougher battles than mine.
There is a clinical trial underway testing the effectiveness of microscopic whipworm parasite eggs, culled from pig feces, suspended in a tablespoon of saline solution, which have shown promise in preventing a patient’s immune system from attacking the body’s own tissues and organs. Maybe this is my next miracle drug 🙂 Sounds yummy!
Anyone know where you can hire a stunt double to stand in for medical appointments?
A platelet walks into a bar…
I often feel something dripping down the back of my knee, but there is nothing there, just numb flesh thanks to a nerve being hit during my muscle biopsy.
90 days ago, I had no idea what these meant. Now, my health depends on them!
HGB – Hemoglobin (red blood cells)
WBC – White blood cells
GRAN – Granulocytes (part of white blood cells, including eosinophils)
PLT – Platelets (allows for clotting in the blood)
My visit with Dr. A (oncologist/hematologist) on Friday included a Neupogen shot and AFBT (Another F-ing Blood Test) – surprise surprise! Because of my sliding white cell count, he decided to increase my Neupogen injections to every day to try to jump start my bone marrow into producing more white cells. Being that it was Friday, this meant trips to Hoag Hospital’s Cancer Center for Neupogen and blood tests on both Saturday and Sunday. Joy! Saturday’s numbers included the biggest drop yet (more than 50%) in platelets 2 days after a transfusion and dropping white cells and dropping red cells. I had platelet transfusion #10 right then and there. Sunday’s numbers weren’t too hot either, so we think there is another blood transfusion coming soon. We now have all the nurses involved in guessing my blood count numbers. They finally asked what the prize was if they guessed the right number, and they are not as enthused now that they learned the prize is a blood transfusion. We laugh A LOT when we’re at Hoag 🙂