Reality

Health and Wellness, Health Humor, , , , , , , , , 47 Comments

My name is Joselyn and I’m addicted to reality tv.

Here are some of my faves:

THE REAL PATIENTS OF CITY OF HOPE:

Starring the most outrageous patients who frequent City of Hope.  Watch as they get into some major cat fights over appointment times, designer masks, and who’s most popular with the doctors and nurses!

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THE MATCHELOR:

Each season features a dashing eligible bone marrow donor who narrows down a field of potential donees, until one lucky patient receives the marrow and a rose.

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EXTREME DNA MAKEOVER:

A contestant in need of a major change receives not only a new appearance, like pink hair, but also a completely new DNA!

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PIMP MY HIDE:

Each week, someone desperately in need of a skin upgrade receives a new tattoo!

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AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MOHAWK:

Contestants from the City of Hope’s transplant floor show off their mohawks (before the chemo kicks in), and compete for the Most Photogenic title.

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KEEPING UP WITH THE GASHIANS:

Follow the shenanigans of an obnoxious family whose members all have gnarly gashes.

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…and its spinoffs:

KEEPING UP WITH THE RASHIANS:

See above, but instead of gashes, this family has repulsive rashes.

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and… KEEPING UP WITH THE SASHIANS:

The third installment of this highly popular series.  The focus is on the contentious relationships between contestants of the Miss MedAmerica beauty pageant.

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AMERICA’S GOT TRANSPLANT:

Bone marrow transplant patients compete in a weekly talent contest from their hospital beds.  Past talents have included pushing the nurse call button, unplugging IV pumps for bathroom visits, and even performing cheers during USC football games.

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PROJECT GUNWAY:

Naturally hosted by Tim Gunn, this competition features hospital patient contestants shooting Nerf guns at targets across the room.  Aiming at such bulls eyes as “chemo,” “f-ing mouth sores,” and “dinner in a bag,” they are judged on style, creativity, and of course, accuracy.

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SURVIVOR:

After being brought to a deserted island called City of Hope, patients are cured of their various life-threatening diseases and released to live a full and rewarding life.  Each year, these survivors are brought back to COH to celebrate together the miracles performed by the doctors at this wonderful place.

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REAR FACTOR:

Bone marrow donors are put under anesthesia while doctors gently harvest the life saving goo from their hip bones.  Sometimes they are forced to first eat a tarantula.

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GEAR FACTOR:

Patients compete by loading up their IV trees with as many pumps, bags o’ medication and miscellaneous medical devices as their trees will bear, then they don surgical masks and gloves while racing down the halls of the transplant floor.

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GUNK’D:

Watch the hilarity that ensues as patients never know when someone will pop out from behind the couch and inject them with a random medication!

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HUNK’D:

Similar to its sister show, Gunk’d, Hunk’d follows unsuspecting “victims” as they are pleasantly surprise-hugged by good looking, wealthy, and sometimes royal babes.

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HEAL OR NO HEAL:

Howie Mandel and a bevy of beauties visit open muscle biopsy/hematoma patients and ask them to choose numbered briefcases to determine their healing fate.  Kinda weird, but fascinating!

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MEAL OR NO MEAL:

Same concept as Heal or No Heal, but on this show, Howie and the bimbos cram themselves into patients’ hospital rooms just before dinner time.  As the briefcases are opened, the patients learn whether they will receive a “delicious” hospital meal, or get served a bag o’ blood.

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MARY’S GOT TALENT:

This is no competition at all.  Mary’s ceramic artistry wins every time!

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AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MARROW:

Unlike it’s predecessor, America’s Next Top Mohawk, this version features bags of bone marrow duking it out in such categories as “best matched,” “strongest plasma producer,” and “least likely to cause Graft vs. Host Disease.”

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SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DRAW:

Don’t miss this fast-paced show which features hospital visitors who must come up with fun and creative games for the patients to play to keep their minds off their illnesses.  Judges Nigel Lithgoe and Mary Murphy have the two most annoying personalities on tv!

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SO YOU THINK YOU CAN MEDICATE:

Each contestant vies for supremacy partnering with his/her pharmacy.

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PROJECT RUN:

This is not really a competition, but rather a generous donation of time and sweat as half marathoners run to benefit research for horrible diseases.

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DANCING WITH THE STERILES:

One of the most popular reality shows of all time, contestants waltz, cha cha and tango while wearing surgical masks and gloves.

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AMERICA’S GOT NURSE TODD:

Although many contenders have tried to knock Nurse Todd off his “Best Caretaker in the World” pedestal, none have been successful.  He dominates in all areas.

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UPDATE:  Last week my eyes became super duper puffy, red, gooey and painful.  BOMFUC – Bring On More F-ed Up Complications!  I knew Graft vs. Host could attack the eyes, and in extreme cases, cause blindness, so I was quite concerned.  I emailed Dr. F and he immediately called in a magic steroid solution to my pharmacy.  Within a few days, my eyes were pretty much back to their usual farsighted selves, and I was SO relieved.  I’ve got too many reality tv shows to watch ~ I CANNOT/WILL NOT go blind!

Todd was playing in the Huntsman World Games (volleyball) in Utah during my last COH appointment (his team won the gold!), so my mom accompanied me to Duarte.  It was Day 300 since my transplant, so to celebrate, Dr. Fantastic gave me a flu shot!  He was very happy to see that my eyes looked normal, as did all of my blood work 🙂  Normal is such a wonderful word!  Mom knows her way around City of Hope, after visiting me each of my 90 days of residency there and going with my dad for all of his appointments to cure his prostate cancer.  My mom is a star.  No, she’s an entire galaxy!

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Mom and me in front of the COH wish trees

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My blog was recently accessed from its 92nd country 🙂  Welcome, Qatar!

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Posted by

I am a survivor of two extremely rare diseases, thanks to over 100 blood transfusions and ultimately, a bone marrow transplant. My blog, joselynsbrawl.com, chronicles my adventures through medical offices, operating rooms, clinics, transfusion centers, hospital transplant floors, victory celebrations, and finally my bucket list items – all with a humorous and sometimes profane twist. My goal is to inspire others not to give up on life or anything else, and to understand that it’s actually possible to enjoy any experience, even battling a life-threatening illness (or two).

47 thoughts on “Reality”

  1. Hearts are brimming over with joy at your badass recovery. “Normal” is the new “exceptional”. Go blood. Of course, we always knew you would kick this disease in the ass!

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  2. can’t believe you are coming up so close to your first birthday!! so glad to hear the consistently positive updates!!! hope to see you the next time i am home 🙂

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  4. First – glad to see Qatar finally got on board. You have to appreciate any country that is bold enough to start with a Q and brush off the companion “u”. But it is YOU that is totally hilarious and witty. Thanks for making us laugh. Here is to your “normalness”. xo, The Singers

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  9. Oh Jos, You sure see the glass half full! Your riveting journey has run the gamut of emotions but you always manage to exhibit a testament to the power of the HOPE! Uncle Jon & I are so very very happy for you. Plan to do a bit of celebrating (YOU) with your parents…soon. Much love, M & J

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  10. Jos, Amazing history of an incredible journey you and your family have been through. Your courage and sense of humor dealing with the most trying and threatening experiences for so long is truly mind boggling. Most of us sitting here on the sidelines are amazed at your strength and perseverance. You remain my hero for all time. Now we are ready to follow the next chapter – the celebration of your life, the new discoveries and the fun that awaits you. Lynn and Carolee

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  11. Great to see your badass husband Todd and his buddies here in Utah. I was hoping to see you too, but Todd looks much less stressed than last time I saw him! Probably due to the fact he has an awesome wife! Attitude is everything!

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  14. You are so funny. I have been praying for you and laughing with you during this entire experience. I am so glad you are healthy! One day I’d like to meet you. I think our husbands may know each other from Newport or SC. Gordon Adams? Anyway,,,you are amazingly talented and have handled this whole thing with grace and laughter. Good for you!!

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  16. Jos, your creativity abounds! You bring joy to so many through your humorous and imaginative views!
    You remain in my thoughts and prayers and THANK YOU, for the reminder to LAUGH!!! HUGE HUGS….Linda and always…our Ry guy!

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  17. Jos:

    I read through this very creative post and up to the end, I was not sure what was happening. All this MUST go to patients who are in the depths of experiencing the same as you have… It will give them so much help, I am sure.

    Oh, Jos, thank God your NORMAL is a reality. Scared about your eyesight but that seems to be OK as well

    My love and best wishes darling, brave darling Joselyn Ann, Toady, Mom and Dad and LFPIV, Kesha, family and all those who love you so much.

    Love, from a most relieved ,

    Auntie Char

    Date: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 23:36:52 +0000 To: charlotte_mayfield@hotmail.com

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  20. Jos,
    A flu shot is cause for celebration! Who knew getting a flu shot would be a sign of normalcy? Another great milestone!!!!
    And Marlene is definitely a galaxy. She spawned a couple of stars, didn’t she?
    I loved this blog entry and thanks for the ceramics shout out.

    XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

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  24. HELLO JOSELYN…….I JUST HAPPENED TO COME UPON THIS AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH I AM THINKING ABOUT YOU AND SENDING GOOD THOUGHTS YOUR WAY!!!! I HAD NO IDEA! I LEFT NEWPORT BEACH PRETTY SUDDEN TO BE WITH MY DAUGHTER WHO HAD A BABY IN JANUARY LAST YEAR. I AM LIVING IN RICHMOND VIRGINIA. I AM VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE FOR THE BABY BUT I MISS CALIFORNIA VERY MUCH!

    I HOPE THINGS ARE GETTING A BIT BETTER EVERYDAY FOR YOU..I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR WHOLE STORY…MY GOSH,FROM WHAT IVE READ,YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOME SHIT O LA!! YOU HAVE SUCH A AMAZING FAMILY SUPPORT SYSTEM. YOUR MOM AND DAD ARE SO AMAZING AS I DO KNOW THAT!

    YOU WILL BE ON MY PRAYER LIST NOW. I WISH YOU AND THE ENTIRE FAMILY A VERY HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON.

    LOVE,
    PAULA HANSON

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  25. Paula! it’s so wonderful to hear from you! Thanks for the kind words 🙂 I’m happy to hear that you are close to your grand baby, but I miss you and your funnery! I love to play with words, and I especially like your shit o la 🙂 I wish you the very best this holiday season and always! Love, Joselyn

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