We’ve received some good news 🙂 The pneumonia infection in my lung has gotten smaller, according to a follow-up X-ray. It appears to be fungal, not bacterial, which makes it more difficult to off, but I’m being pumped with endless IV antibiotics and anti-fungals round the clock. I will have a follow up CT scan next Thursday so my docs can take a closer look at what’s crashin’ the healthy lung party. After having nurses bolting into the Bubble in a panic as I “sleep” because my heart rate drops to less than 35 beats per minute, followed by off the charts high blood pressure numbers, all of which was recorded on a heart monitor that I wore for 24 hours, I was super duper nervous for my meeting with Dr. Y (cardiologist). He told me that the abnormal numbers I was posting were likely due to all the medications I’m on, and being that I have no other symptoms, he’s decided NOT to uproot me from the Bubble (yes!) and to basically say sayonara to the heart complication snag (double yes!). So, now we are waiting and hoping on the bad ass horse serum, which will probably take a few weeks to see any positive results on my blood counts, if any. If those results don’t come, we’ll move on to a bone marrow transplant. My heroic brother, Leason, was tested yesterday at COH to see if he is a match for me. Dr. P expects I will be chillin’ in the Bubble for the next 3 weeks, so I can remain in a sterile environment, be close to medical personnel if I react adversely to the ATG Equine Globulin (which can happen 3 weeks after infusion), and to pulverize the bunk in my lung.
…and now for the BIG QUIZ – Use a #2 pencil only and good luck!
Keep in mind that the quizmaster thinks the letter F is neato 🙂
1. Eosinophilic Fasciitis
k) is code for: you’ve got a trig midterm tomorrow and you’re being chased by Guido, the killer pimp.
f) is a disease that BLOWS!
f) hurts like a Mo Fo and is not for pussies.
b) is the captivating, brand spankin’ new glittery boy band to dominate the tween scene in Topeka.
3. ATG treatment
f) usually causes the patient to “shake and bake” through horrendous fevers, but with the help of the shiznit docs and nurses at COH, and their special pre-meds, it can be crushed with little discomfort.
h) Ass to Grass ~ a type of squat in weightlifting where one goes as deep as possible.
f) is a nasty ass BITCH
r) is a quick, easy, inexpensive and painless alternative to a facelift ~ gives you flawless skin, and a beautiful angled face within the first few doses!
5. The EMG Test measures
a) elephant mating gestures
f) electric activity in the muscles and nerves
6. Some possible side effects of Cyclosporine include:
f) acne, loss of consciousness, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, confusion – I highly recommend it!
y) an uncontrollable urge to play tummy sticks
7. Duarte can be found
n) in the deepest reaches of Fat Bastard’s navel
f) at the base of the San Gabriel Mountains, between Arcadia and Glendora, CA. Musician Glenn Miller once made his home in Duarte. Don’t think he actually MADE his home by engaging in framing, masonry or plumbing, but he lived there.
8. A PICC Line
f) is a fan f-ing tastic toy for all wanting to avoid needles being plunged into their veins multiple times a day.
b) is a high voltage, razor wire barrier that completely surrounds and protects the world’s second largest ball of string from would-be heisters.
f) are responsible for clotting blood. Quite nifty if you are, say, a knife juggler or like to run with scissors.
d) are like cute little adorable tiny baby plates, some call them saucers and serve like Cheese Whiz and mini marshmallows on them, some even have like unicorns on them!
10. The Bubble
j) is a prelude to a fart ~ the sound of gas traveling through your lower intestine before exiting triumphantly through your ass.
f) is my sterile, negative pressure world for about the next 3 weeks. Rent includes a private vestibule for suiting up in gloves, masks and gowns, a large heard of inspirational miniature horses, a Tom Petty poster, a I heart Joselyn sign from Todd, special photos, silk peonies, 24 hour room service for food and drugs, a view of the San Gabriel Mountains, 4 IV pumps, built-in vital machines, a bathroom, and a bed that can weigh me, measure my heart rate, and notify the nurses when I try to make a break for it.
Sunrise from the Bubble
Answer Key: 1) f, 2) f, 3) f, 4) f, 5) f, 6) f, 7) f, 8) f, 9) f, 10) f