Ummm…Excuse Me, Ma’am?

√ Done!

In New York, the western part,

On micro roads, not found on a chart,

Fields, farms and pastures galore,

Acres between each lonely barn door.


Cruising down the tiny lanes,

Suddenly, my neck swivels and cranes!

There, riding on her bladed throne,

A country woman, her grass half-mown.


“Look!” I squeal, and point her way,

“She’s riding a mower!” I continue to say.

Todd stops, thinks, then whips a U,

Back to the farm of You-Know-Who.


“You gotta go ask,” he says as he takes charge,

“Who, me?  I can’t.  My balls aren’t that large!”

Then he pulls right up to her lawn,

Looks in my eyes, and says, “Go on!”


I slink out of the Ford, start my walk up the grass,

Feeling sudden cases of nausea and gas.

I give a lame, sheepish wave,

Trying my best to show I’m brave.


She snaps off the engine, wipes her brow,

Who is this walking towards me right now?

“I hate to bother you, while you’re hard at work,

Chances are, you think I’m a jerk.


You see, I have this Buttkick List,

And I’m hoping you could give me an assist!

Taking a ride on your mower here,

Would allow a check mark on Item #14 to appear!


Sounds freaky to you, I’m totally sure,

But in SoCal, mowers like yours are obscure.”

Trying to read her – Did I strike a chord?

Yes!  A smile, then, “Climb aboard!”


Gretchen explains the buttons and knobs.

My heart responds with thumps and throbs.

Off I go, giggling like a tyke,

Who’s super stoked on a snazzy new bike.


The path I carve is a little wonky,

I could have done better on a wild donkey.

I don’t care, the fun is obscene,

And this afternoon, I am the Mowing Queen!

~Click below to watch the ride :)~




Posted by

I am a survivor of two extremely rare diseases, thanks to over 100 blood transfusions and ultimately, a bone marrow transplant. My blog,, chronicles my adventures through medical offices, operating rooms, clinics, transfusion centers, hospital transplant floors, victory celebrations, and finally my bucket list items – all with a humorous and sometimes profane twist. My goal is to inspire others not to give up on life or anything else, and to understand that it’s actually possible to enjoy any experience, even battling a life-threatening illness (or two).

53 thoughts on “Ummm…Excuse Me, Ma’am?

  1. you are a trip! awesome adventurer and such a great example of living your life big and full. I too have mowing envy with my bro who does it also in update NY in his air conditioned tractor.
    Keep on trucking…or in your case, mowing :)!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So Good!

    *Scott R. Evans* *949-338-5529*

    On Mon, Aug 28, 2017 at 1:48 PM, JOSELYN’S BRAWL wrote:

    > joselynmiller posted: ” In New York, the western part, On tiny roads, not > found on a chart, Fields, farms and pastures galore, Acres between each > lonely barn door. Cruising down the tiny lanes, Suddenly, my neck swivels > and cranes! There, riding o” >

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Joselyn,

    Although we have met

    I’m sure you’d forget…

    I am Linda, a pal

    Of your Mom’s.

    These missives you send

    About roads, UN-taken

    Bring me more joy

    Than a pig, deep in poop

    After all you have braved

    It’s cool, you’re still game

    Thanks for sharing your butt kick list

    With us.


    Linda Frankel

    (from Mari Lou’s writing group)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha! This is awesome Joselyn. Raise your hand if you see people on their riding lawn mowers and think ” that looks like fun! ” I do. Thanks to you and Todd, I too will ask someone one day to let me ride one. You are something else girl! Keep on inspiring all of us mortals!


  5. So I guess that means you’re not coming to Texas to ride our lawn tractor? What about a mechanical bull? What will it take to get you here!!!!


  6. I think you must be distantly related to Shel Silverstein. Brilliant! And so glad you got that item on your list taken care of. Keep adventuring!


  7. To my new and only favorite mowing Queen!

    Joselyn, YOU continue to inspire and amaze me!! Wow…thank you! Your fun spirit, love of life, and so much more gives me, and so many others, so much courage in ways you just would not even imagine…

    Thank you, friend, for reminding me, time and time again, to live a little (like a lot!) with my hair hanging down blowing in the wind, and, to quite frankly, not give a shit about what anybody else thinks…I have always thought I was brave and daring and doing so many things beyond convention….and yet I know I must come off as an uptight Christian bitch to some people, because I only will show “letting my hair down” to those I have felt safe with…perhaps that is one of the many reasons I love 4 & 5 year olds so much…because I am my silly, unedited self with them 100% of the time…

    Anyways, this is sure an unload of a round about compliment. Your vulnerability has reached deep inside me today. My heart thanks your heart.

    Keep on showing your sass!!

    Love, Ann #1 fan of the mowing queen!

    Sent from my iPad



    1. Ann – This comment really moved me!!! I am so thankful to you for sharing with me the fact that my silliness inspires you 🙂 I’ve NEVER thought of you as a UCB ~ NEVER!!! And no one else has, either! I admire you so very much for all you have done for others, especially all your wonderful little friends in Fiji! What an inspiration you are, my friend! XO


  8. It’s great to see you aboard that mower,
    Whatever your speed, I’d be going slower.
    You are most amazing and full of class,
    Little did I know you’d be cutting the grass.
    Safe trip back to SO CAL cuz we miss you so,
    and my yard needs some trimming more than you know.
    If you can’t do it I’ll understand,
    then please send Bro Nurse Todd to lend a hand.
    Great that you covered “number fourteen”
    but not really surprised cuz you are our queen!! ❤️❤️


  9. I love this SO much Jos! Brought tears of joy to my eyes, thinking of you in this lawn-mowing adventure. You’re my hero!!! Love you so much 🙂 🙂 🙂


  10. Excellent accomplishment and delightful poem. You don’t know me, and I don’t remember how I came upon your site, but I’m glad I did. Your brave and upbeat method of handling your disease inspire me to do better handling my own. Thanks for being a guiding star!


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