Man Oh Man! Boy Oh Boy! I may not have the balls to post this. Well, actually…
I’ve just got to man up. It’s mandatory I let the tomcat outta the bag. No maneuvering around it. Have you noticed any changes in my mannerisms? I’ve got to carefully manage this manuscript. I must not manipulate you any longer. No more manufactured illusions. No more bull manure.
Here’s the mandated truth, man: I received a 23 and Me kit from Todd for Christmas. You know, the spit in a test tube, send it in, get your heritage results kind of thing? Well, I did my spitting, I sent it in and I waited the 8 weeks for my emailed report. A few late nights ago, while I was waiting for my IV pump to finish off my last dose of the day, I was going through some emails, and one from 23 and Me popped into my inbox. Coolio! This was going to be fun! My family has been discussing our family tree quite a bit recently, due to our upcoming UK visit to our ancestors’ Pomeroy Castle, ca. 1490 🙂
So, I opened the message with tons of anticipation… English? German? Spanish? Dutch? French? Surprise? What type of family jewels went into the making of me? But instead of an ancestry report, they had a question for me:
OMG!!! Duuuude! I’m a shman! I knew there was some funky sh*t going on in my bone marrow, but WTF! I’m now the poster boy for DNA gender confusion. I had to check the Caitlin Jenner box! Todd is calling me José and my children are referring to me as Dad. It’s taking a while getting used to the adjustment, but I’m getting the hang of it, if you know what I mean, bro.
So this means Uncle Jos may add a few items to herImeanhis bucket list 🙂 I better bone up on skateboarding, butt scratching, competitive farting, beer chugging, lumberjacking, dinosaur neutering, burping, woodworking, grill mastering, welding, bench pressing, automotive repairing, and blowing sh*t up.
Ah, I’m just dickin’ around! I’m not, I repeat NOT growing any additional parts. I’m just messing with you, brotha! I did, however receive the above hemail from 23 and Me that my DNA was determined to be male. This must be due to the fact that I now have two DNAs ~ Leason’s and my original. Definitely pricked my attention!
I finally got my IV removed today, after 16 days of having this f-ing thing in my arm. Yay! My home nurse, Joe, came by, took some vitals and pulled it out. He noticed our ping pong table and asked if we wanted to play a previous pro. He wrapped up my arm, then we adjourned to the Miller Table Tennis Arena, where Rex and I took him on 🙂
PS – My heritage report finally arrived, and I learned that I’m 93% European, specifically British, French, German, Dutch, and Spanish, with a smidge of Sardinian (!) thrown in. This might explain Rex’s stem cell match to the patient he donated to in Italy 🙂 I’ve also got some Native American and West African influences. I love surprises! Man Oh Man!