Man Oh Man! Boy Oh Boy! I may not have the balls to post this. Well, actually…
I’ve just got to man up. It’s mandatory I let the tomcat outta the bag. No maneuvering around it. Have you noticed any changes in my mannerisms? I’ve got to carefully manage this manuscript. I must not manipulate you any longer. No more manufactured illusions. No more bull manure.
Here’s the mandated truth, man: I received a 23 and Me kit from Todd for Christmas. You know, the spit in a test tube, send it in, get your heritage results kind of thing? Well, I did my spitting, I sent it in and I waited the 8 weeks for my emailed report. A few late nights ago, while I was waiting for my IV pump to finish off my last dose of the day, I was going through some emails, and one from 23 and Me popped into my inbox. Coolio! This was going to be fun! My family has been discussing our family tree quite a bit recently, due to our upcoming UK visit to our ancestors’ Pomeroy Castle, ca. 1490 🙂
So, I opened the message with tons of anticipation… English? German? Spanish? Dutch? French? Surprise? What type of family jewels went into the making of me? But instead of an ancestry report, they had a question for me:
OMG!!! Duuuude! I’m a shman! I knew there was some funky sh*t going on in my bone marrow, but WTF! I’m now the poster boy for DNA gender confusion. I had to check the Caitlin Jenner box! 
Todd is calling me José and my children are referring to me as Dad. It’s taking a while getting used to the adjustment, but I’m getting the hang of it, if you know what I mean, bro.
So this means Uncle Jos may add a few items to herImeanhis bucket list 🙂 I better bone up on skateboarding, butt scratching, competitive farting, beer chugging, lumberjacking, dinosaur neutering, burping, woodworking, grill mastering, welding, bench pressing, automotive repairing, and blowing sh*t up.
Ah, I’m just dickin’ around! I’m not, I repeat NOT growing any additional parts. I’m just messing with you, brotha! I did, however receive the above hemail from 23 and Me that my DNA was determined to be male. This must be due to the fact that I now have two DNAs ~ Leason’s and my original. Definitely pricked my attention!
I finally got my IV removed today, after 16 days of having this f-ing thing in my arm. Yay! My home nurse, Joe, came by, took some vitals and pulled it out. He noticed our ping pong table and asked if we wanted to play a previous pro. He wrapped up my arm, then we adjourned to the Miller Table Tennis Arena, where Rex and I took him on 🙂
PS – My heritage report finally arrived, and I learned that I’m 93% European, specifically British, French, German, Dutch, and Spanish, with a smidge of Sardinian (!) thrown in. This might explain Rex’s stem cell match to the patient he donated to in Italy 🙂 I’ve also got some Native American and West African influences. I love surprises! Man Oh Man!
One of a kind, Joselyn, one of a kind!
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Hey Bro:
Wow – what a surprise!!!
Now if the Todd’s report had come back with a switch – that I could understand. I have seen some of the shoes he has pulled out his closet and have always had suspicions.
Mike
Great blog letter.
Sent from my iPad
>
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Funny post dude!
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way to go bro! aka: badass bro! xo
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You can go on the fishing trip to Mexico now! Keep making us laugh!
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Whoa dude! Gnarly! and pretty crazy!
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Soo bloody funny — made my day!!!
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Laughing so hard I can hardly stand it! You can have some serious messed up fun with this piece of info . . . and I’m sure you will 🙂
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I’m surprised that you would be a mismatch of boy/girl–if you would have told me that about Todd UI could better believe that about him. Sounds like your family were pretty free with their sex life and did a lot of traveling over Europe in the last century. Your DNA has a little of every country in Europe. So glad your IV is pulled. Now you will fee a lot better. Bob and Emilie
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Wow Jos. I just gained another nephew, but lost my favorite niece. WTF? No matter boy, girl, or whatever we love you! Lynn
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Wow! AMAZING!! Waxing may take on a whole new meaning for you!! Heehee!
Sent from my iPhone
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My birth certificate from the hospital in Iowa says I am a boy too! So glad it’s not just my little secret! Guess my parents being in high school at the time didn’t really think to look at the paper until years later. Not sure if it ever got changed actually!
Hey Cheers to the Schmans!
MJ
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Hilarious!!! And send the ping pong master Man (table tennis according to Dr E) up Dan’s way, as he was champion of Chicago or somewhere and loves a challenge! xox
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Pretty cool Jos,thanks for sharing that😉
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OK, that is fascinating stuff. And truly awesome. So glad the f’ing IV is out. I hate those damn things. Go Jos! Have fun in your homeland. So sad you never get to travel.
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Loved everything especially the ping pong and that you are coming home!! Love you
Sent from my iPhone
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Joselyn
You are the most clever girl and I enjoy your blogs tremendously. You need to write a book, and then Iâll have you come to my book club and you can sign your book for us. You are an inspiration, you never give up even w/ all the setbacks. You go girl. Sending love to you and the family. Nicole
With Regards,
Lynne Nicole Stewart
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Nicole Stewart Fashion Productions
220 16th Street
Seal Beach, CA 90740
H: 562-594-4079
C: 714-308-0918
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Loved this post…I’m sure that was quite a shock to see! Glad you are feeling better…xx
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Oh my God! So funny! Only you could make it so interesting and funny. Very very trippy. Sending love and waiting for you to write your book.
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Shman oh Shman! Only you could be a Shman…I live it and now you get to use the men’s bathroom! Way too go!
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Thank you for a true LMAO moment! With all your tenacity and strength, I’m not surprised that you could take the saying, “grow a pair”, to the next level!
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LMFAO. This is quite a dilemma. Does Todd know? If he makes this change also, I’m outa’ here. He is bound by duty and oath to remain a DNA proven Kappa Sig BRO no matter what his wife does. Seriously, couldn’ta happened to a nicer girl/guy, whatever you choose. After all, Bill Cosby waited for Bruce Jenner to take the plunge. Just in time, actually, because he was running out of women. Anyway, I support your whole fan damly and always will!! Have fun with your new identity.
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No way!!! That is hilarious, and the urinal pic is priceless. Did you follow up with the test company? Maybe they still sit around the lunch-room and say “What was going on there?” ♡
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Well, isn’t this just the cherry on the top of the sundae! Wow, science is so weird!
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Wow that is amazing & kinda cool! All I could think was “cute sandals” at the urinal.
Obviously not enough male DNA in me!
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Jose AKA Joselyn you are truly and extraordinary human being. Too much fun, thanks for sharing!
Alison
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Wow!!! Maybe your name could be Josh 🙂
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Joslyn
Gender neutral restrooms are the rage these days on UC campuses.
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Can’t believe this – yes I can. Think about you often, Please keep me posted.
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